My original plan was, once I got back on the island, to hit the beach before I even came home....but, in my anticipation of being with Dave and Sadie, I nixed that idea long before I reached Snow's Cut bridge. This was a good decision...for many reasons.
Another reason ...as happy as I was to be back with my guy and puppy, I wasn't quite prepared to declare myself officially "back". If you've been on a mind (and spirit) bending trip, you know exactly what I mean. There's a part of me that yearns to remain on the road and see what the next bend in the highway may offer. It could be a huge pasture of windmills which looks like a family of aliens from some far, far away, but very friendly, planet. Or...maybe a beautiful field of amber waves of grain... or possibly, the glorious purple mountains majesty...and even a slight chance of the delicious fruited plains. Or...maybe just this little ol' funky motel that beckons your spirit and invites you in for the night. You just never know, do you?
Looks like the gypsy in me will always be there, whispering gently in my ear about all the many wondrous experiences waiting just around the next bend. I've learned that sometimes I must listen to my gypsy soul because it is as much a part of me as anything else and to deny it, is to deny who I am and what I am, and most certainly, why I am.
It seems that I've lived most of my life with one foot in and one foot out of wherever I was. Commitment, to a place, comes hard for me. This seems so contrary to the military child who so envied her friends who lived in one place all their lives and still had the same friends from early childhood. When I was little, I used to wish that for myself with all my heart. I prayed that my dad would be fired from the navy so we wouldn't have to move anymore. In 7th grade, I went to four different schools, and each move took another little piece from my heart. But, finally in the second semester of 9th grade, we moved to Charlotte and stayed there through my high school years. I settled down a little bit, and enjoyed the feeling of being a part of the "connection", but truth is...deep down, I alway kept one little piece of me right by the door... ...just in case.
I'm beginning to understand that this trip has brought me back in touch with my gypsy side, and, much to my surprise, I'm pretty sure I've made peace with her. There's the part of me (and it's the larger part of me) who loves that I've been here for almost 20 years...a lifetime record for living in one place. I love that I, with a whole lot of help, achieved a 36 year dream of getting back to the beach... which started at the age of 12 when we left Miami, and finally came to fruition when I moved to Carolina Beach at age 48. I love my friends and my community... our house that we share with Sadie Mae....our whole life here. But, in the past few years, there's been a restlessness deep inside, and it was beginning to be a little troublesome because I couldn't quite figure out what it was all about.
Now, I know. The gypsy girl inside was begging to be heard and she spoke loudly enough that when my sister asked me if I wanted to go to Colorado with her to see her son, I said...hell, yeah...as long as we can go to Graceland! Which, of course, is how we came to drive cross country and satisfy both our gypsy souls. So...I go back to my desire to "be received in Graceland", and like the Paul Simon song says "For reasons I cannot explain, there's some part of me wants to see Graceland." Well, now I can explain it to myself and anyone else who might be interested. It's all about connecting with your whole being. And, me and my gypsy are finally reconnected in a most wonderfully healthy way.
So, I can finish unpacking and know that even though I'm settling back into my routine at home, I'm not putting my gypsy soul in storage...she's going to remain right here with me and remind me when it's time to allow her spirit to take the lead. She helps me break free from the fearful, worrisome Lynn. By the way, I call my gypsy soul, Maggie. (another story here : )
But...no matter what... we both know where home is. And...with all my heart I can say...there's no place like home...there's no place like home...there's no place like home.
Beautifully stated, my dear sister. I am not the same person I was before our journey, nor do I want to return to that. Like you, I am sorely missing the road, the quaint little stops along the way, the anticipation of what lies ahead, and the main component... being with you.
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