Bathroom of the Right

Sometimes, I simply don't know what I think I know. I get these ideas that just seem to make so much sense and then....wham...out of nowhere... something comes along to make me question everything about my original thinking. That sets off a whole litany of WTF issues for me. It makes me question many of the whys, whats and wherefores which, over many years, have accumulated in my brain, much like the old vines that used to cling to the trees in my back yard.

Ok, so in my typical meandering thought pattern...here we go. I used to think that once a person reached a certain age, they would just naturally inherit a deep sense of wisdom and grace. Now I realize this just ain't necessarily so. It can happen...I've seen it happen, but I've also seen the total opposite. I've watched folks get older, but instead of getting wiser, they seen to get dumber. Instead of getting kinder, they become more greedy and selfish. Instead of expanding minds, it seem their minds are getting smaller and smaller and scarier and scarier.

Back to this simple fact: I really don't know what I thought I knew.

Take our country. The United States of America. As the daughter of a Navy man, I grew up in a Stars and Stripes kind of environment. Quite simply, we believed in our country. We believed in John Wayne, goddammit, and we were taught to hate Commies, the Japs, and anything that challenged our idea of America. But, as I grew older and became more aware of the flip side of certain issues, I began to think...are we really what I though we were? And, as we digress from one war to another war, I am more and more concerned about, not only, who we have become, but what we were.

Meandering a little further...religion. I grew up Methodist and attended MYF. After marriage #1, I switched to Presbyterian and taught Sunday School where I got called out for not following the "Predestination" dogma. I dared to suggest to my class (grades 5-7..ish) that there was a little bit of free will there and if they could find their own path, it might make life a whole lot easier for them. Ooops!

Maybe I take things too literally, but I thought if you were a Christian, at least a true Christian, you tried to live by the teachings of Jesus. The older I got, the more I realized how terribly naive I was and finally, I realized I couldn't really call myself a Christian anymore because I was no longer sure just what it meant. I still don't know.

Meandering back to the vines....they have their own life, you know, and it's a selfish one because their survival depends on the tree they occupy. They don't offer anything in exchange...just take and take and take. Eventually, they kill the tree and it's a slow, smothering kind of death for the tree because it restricts, and eventually, prevents the tree to grow. The tree has no room to spread it's beautiful branches because the vines weigh them down with their own agenda. If one, be we tree or person, loses the opportunity of growth, we eventually die, right?

I feel like we, and I mean the global we, are being smothered by the vines. We've drunk way too much of the kool-aid...all of us...whatever our religion, or lack of...whatever our political affiliation...whatever our whatevers...essentially, we've lost our way.

There's an old Creedence Clearwater Revival song called "Bad Moon Rising". For years, I thought the bad moon out tonight was the bathroom on the right, and when listening to the lyrics, it all made sense. Well, as much sense as a whole lot of lyrics make. Then, I read an article about the people who though, just as I did...the bathroom on the right. Huh? How can I be so wrong about the lyrics of one of my favorite songs? However, it was kind of nice to know that I wasn't the only one who thought that...I mean, stupidity loves company, right?

But, I guess it also left me wondering about the many other things I thought I knew. And the wondering goes on. Maybe what we're really all about is...the bathroom on the right.

Authenticity

How do you think we can find the path to our true authentic self? Are some people just born with it? You would assume that, wouldn't you? I mean, we meet some people who just seem to have it all together and they speak their piece as though it were "The Word". And, they seem to believe it, right? I don't know about you, but I've always wondered just who these people really are and WTF enables them to have that self confidence.

Most of my life has been spent in awe of these people and not so much wishing I were like them, but just sort of wondering why I was not? How did I manage to miss that boat? Usually, I just figure that I was simply preoccupied with other issues like how can I keep myself relatively sane, and therefore, not focused on the issues that really mattered. You know, ..career...life goals...financial stability, Life 101, etc.,etc.,etc.

Recently, I had a wonderful visit with my son and his family, which includes my, near perfect, grandchildren. During the visit, it became necessary to assist their sweet, ancient dog, Syd, in her escape from this earthly plane to a better, and less painful, resting place. It was difficult for everyone, but especially so for my 9 year old grandson, Finley. He struggled with the idea of putting Syd down and made a strong statement about the fact that we didn't do this to people, so why would we do it to dogs.
He referred to the vet as a dog killer. Much as I wanted to argue that point, I understood how he felt and truthfully, as nine year old, I probably would have felt the same way. It was arranged for the vet to come to the house to put Syd down on Friday and my son and his wife talked with Fin and let him know that he had an option of going to spend the night with a friend. We all tried to help him understand that he didn't have to be there and it would be totally ok for him to say goodbye to Syd before he left for camp that morning. He remained undecided until Friday morning.

When we woke up, he came and got in the bottom bunk with me, and I asked him if he knew what he wanted to do. His answer amazed me. "Syd was here when I was born, right Grandma?" "Right", I responded. "Well, since she was here when I was born, I want to be with her when she dies." Whoa! That comes from a nine year old? Is that not totally profound? Did he maybe skip to Life 102 in that moment? All, I know is that, in that moment, he became one of my heros.

So, if at 9 years old, we still have a firm grasp on our authenticity, when do we begin to lose it? I think it's gradual, and I say this because I'm beginning to see a wee bit of it with my 13 year old granddaughter. It's like this precious child has been kidnapped by the teenage goblins. She seems to know what's happening, and she tries to recapture the innocence and sweetness of her 10 year old self, but the teen goblins just won't allow that on any permanent basis. So, to my way of thinking, this is the first step into the inauthentic zone.

From there, it just seems to go downhill. At least for quite a few years. The "outside" dominates us and we almost cringe from our authentic selves because we are so afraid we won't fit in or the "important" people won't like us. We get so stuck with what we think we should be that we forget who we are.

Suppose we just declare a re-authenticity day. Actually, it may need to be a week, or even a month...maybe even longer. Let's say we allow ourselves however much time we need to reclaim our own authenticity. Maybe we could start by recapturing our nine year old selves and just listen to the speakings of our heart. All we need to do is make the jump from Life 101 to Life 102. That's where our real selves are waiting.

Can you imagine what a beautiful world we might create?